i fucking love sauteed onions zucchini and corn.

i started a new journal at 2 am last night. four pages in and it's already beautiful. this will be my next beloved.

summer loving is our skin and the sheets. is waking up at 6:45 am, too excited to be next to you to sleep. is me sitting on the floor and you squatting in front of me, kissing my forehead. is waiting patiently for you to return.

the semi-sweet chocolate chips i'm eating have a hint of beef jerky taste to them. it's kinda good.

i have a new friend. we're insta-friends. our first solo play date consisted of watching vampire soap operas, making muffins, t-shirt art, walking, and finding the white feather i'd asked the universe for. actually, it was more like a white bird had shaken its entire collection of feathers off from way up in a tree, watched them twist and fall to the side walk, and then flown off. i got to choose which feather i wanted. it makes for en elegant earring- though i feel it is yet another thing to am going to save until i feel i....there are too many little words in that sentence. i don't know when i will wear it; i'd like to have long hair when i do.* i dreamed i had long hair. waking up to its inbetween length and grease was disappointing. washing it helped. i just read something on thumblr that i am connecting with all too well: "3559.) I lack the motivation to match my inspiration." my brain is non-stop creating, but my body doesn't seem to want to move very much. connecting with disconnects is so strange. i think i'm going to put on some slutsy shorts, make some ice tea, and enjoy doing what i gotta do.

what's next:
tonight i meet rocio, the woman who's hiring me to drive her kids around. 14 year old girl, 16 year old boy. here's my op to play guru/mentor. tshirt art is def on the list of things to do with them. messy, easy, rewarding. check.

tomorrow i play with little william, the 2 year old i watch once a week. he's....busy.
tomorrow i drive to berka and have some houseface time. isabelle will be fresh out of a 3 day meditation. enlightenment, galore.

saturday is planetary dance.
saturday is emily's grad party. bright&&tight.

wednesday is SD BABY. one week with austin. i get butterflies when i think about it.

then a week in kawaii.

you are constantly in my thoughts.

officially: margaret hart is my future live-with sister, and we will be in our dream house, which has a kitchen and is at the edge of the forest.

asked the universe for a white feather- everywhere i go i look for it, as if it is hiding, but i know it will be a gift in plain sight.

reflection of who i am living for. it tends to be for those i love- not in actions but in thoughts and intentions and time. enough. now it's time for me.

(im)patiently waiting to see austin...4 more weeks, approximately.

contemplating tattoos. i'm waiting for the experience first.

bonding with pop. we hug and kiss now. i get sad thinking about how in 3 months i won't get to chat with him in the morning before school.

betrayal is a strong word, and i don't necessarily want to use it...friends, trust, boundaries.

building photo portfolio- i feel so proud! i've done some great work this year. momentum into next year. postponing scar project until i feel more confident in my skills.

realizing life passion: strengthening communities. (not through meetings and papers but through rituals and interaction and art.)

10day countdown until graduation begins. hallelujah, i'm a little scared.

uh gad. i'm just waiting for the rest of my life to start. this part is overly-busy, exhausted, and filled with a terrible sense of longing. it's almost lonely, but not quite. yesterday sophia and i drove to the beach. i had three things around me that six years ago i swore to myself i wouldn't do: beer, dank, and cigarettes. it was fantastic. a french? guy cheers'd us...would have been rad, but he decided to sit down and force a covnersation out of two obviously not very talkative girls. awkward. then i got the best hugs and head massage from calbin- miss you- and fell asleep the earliest i've been able to in two weeks: 12am. today i am getting my hair trimmed, going to the good will, meeting los to plan econ lesson #2 and drink iced coffee, talking to emily, and probably not eating very much. it's africa hot, as my father says. i feel like wearing a long necklace with a pretty thing on it. and swimming in a cool, clean river. and a lot more things that i can't have until june, and even then is a tease until august. speaking of humboldt, i still haven't received housing confirmation. i'm feeling impatient.

august brings me liberation, margaret hart, and austin carver. what a beautiful thing it will be.